On Marriage Equality: What Poly People Really Want

The Supreme Court ruling on marriage equality got us all talking, as it should have if you're poly.  If it didn't, you've forgotten how interesting and subversive your day-to-day life is (happens to us all).  There's a lot to consider about marriage:  economics, culture, love, spirituality, legality....

Why is it always the economics and the legality that seem to define the conversation about marriage in America?

My friends and I could come to no consensus about where polyamory, open relationships, and non-monogamy fit into marriage.  Some want marriage to be strictly religious, with no legal systems involved whatsoever.  Some play with the idea of American polygamy, while others have decided it's impossible to expect America to embrace a polygamous culture when money is involved.

But a law isn't the only thing the LGBTQ community won from the ruling.  They also won something they've been fighting for, for a long time.  Cultural acceptance (though the battle continues in many parts of America).

You still have judges being celebrated for refusing to do their jobs, employment discrimination (dear friend of mine could not complete a teaching license in Arkansas because of it), and a good amount of demonizing.  You still have even the most loving Christians chanting "love the sinner, hate the sin," and, "sure you're gay, but I lie and cheat so I don't judge you."  I'm not saying our culture has completely embraced the LQBTQ community, but here's what has happened in the past 10 years.

Prime time television shows on family channels have displayed non-stereotyped homosexual characters.  Some of them main characters, who are not defined by their sexual orientation even though it's a clear part of their identity.

Day time television shows on CHILDREN networks have displayed loving, non-threatening homosexual characters.

Specialty programs have had complex gay villains, strong and focussed but flawed.

Commercials for some family products include gay couples.

Many applications for jobs now have a disclosure that candidates will not be judged for their sexual identities.

Poly people just want cultural acceptance.  Honestly, I think most of us would be happy to not have to explain what polyamory is any time we came out of the closet.  Or why it's not the same thing as cheating or being single and why it's not a 24-7 sex smorgasbord.  We want poly characters.  Poly parents, poly heroes, poly villains, poly doctors.  Sometimes having poly problems, sometimes not.  But not poly people whose problems are simply the fact that they're poly and so they must escape this identity in order to achieve spiritual equilibrium.

Noting this, I have seen the evolution of LGBTQ characters on television.  And they did not all start off round and dynamic.  Mostly, they started off as either hateful characters, or comical characters.  Look at how funny this person is, they aren't sexually "normal."  Isn't that funny?  I imagine that mainstream poly characters will have a similar evolution, so I'm even okay with comical characters to start off.

My favorite show at the moment, Shameless, includes a beautifully dynamic gay couple.  I care more about Mickey and Ian's relationship than any other character on that show.  And hey, they just introduced a professor who seems to be polyamorous (yay!).  ...Except she has relations with her student (uuuuhhh), and most recently seems to be turning on her husband (wait I wanted a real poly character).  But maybe this is how it starts, and I can't expect for my minority representation to start off Ian-and-Mickey level without serving our time at Queer-Eye and "The L Word" level.

Leave it to a writer to discuss cultural acceptance based solely on fictional characters.